Monday, June 21, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Jonah Hex (Jimmy Hayward, 2010)
Bad movies come out all the time. Some movies look good, but turn out bad – that’s a shame. No one likes being duped into sitting through a dud. Much more rarely, there are movies that look bad and turn out to be Ok, even good sometimes. That’s a nice treat. Most of the time, though, you can see a bad one coming and avoid it altogether.
But most frustrating of all is a movie that should, by all means, be good, but ends up terrible. Such is the case of Jonah Hex, a god-awful abortion of a movie if ever there was one.
When Jonah Hex was first announced, it ended up on my list of Most Anticipated Films of the Year. A Southern Gothic/Horror-Western hybrid about an obscure DC Comics character with supernatural powers kicking ass all over the post-Civil War South? Written and directed by the crazy fucks behind the Crank movies? Starring Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Michaels Shannon & Fassbender, Will Arnett, and with a little guaranteed Megan Fox eye candy thrown in for good measure? With music from Mastodon? I was immediately on board. Seriously, how could this not rule?
Good Lord. Let me count the ways.
Neveldine & Taylor were smart to split. One of the best decisions they’ve probably ever made. I’d love to get my hands on their original script for the film (I remember reading a zombie army was involved - nice) to see what could have been. The film as it exists borrows liberally from several genre traditions. Actions and westerns, and to a much lesser extent, horror films, are referenced in style and more. Unfortunately, Jonah Hex appears to borrow exclusively from the shitty ones. The movie’s such a colossal clusterfuck that any interesting ideas (but believe me, there are few) are quickly pushed aside as we jump from one stupid scene to another.
This is the anti-A-Team, which I actually enjoyed quite a bit. Big dumb fun needs to actually be fun or it’s just, you know, big and dumb. Every cast member is wasted here. Brolin, hard as he tries, can’t carry a film this broken by himself. Malkovich is clearly phoning it in, his Southern accent fading in and out. Fassbender, one of the most interesting actors breaking out right now, had he been given more to work with may have conjured a villain of near-Joker badassery. He’s capable of it. However, the part is so threadbare that we’re left with a stupid Irish caricature who poses no real threat (brief digression: on the topic of ethnic characters, I take issue with the following: one, do we really need the ex-slave character saying “Jonah, you was never for secession or slavery. Why you keep fightin’ for the Confederacy?” or whatever. This information adds nothing to the character, except maybe we’re supposed to think he’s a good guy because he was against slavery? Maybe? Horseshit. And two, any goodwill you’re trying to get by giving Hex a Native American wife [who does nothing but looks pretty and gets murdered] is pretty much negated when the only other Indians you show are performing spooky ceremonies and smoking a peace pipe. I’m by no means a strictly PC kinda critic, but yikes, guys.) Will Arnett is laughably miscast. And perhaps worst of all, despite prominent billing and character name, for Christsakes, Michael Shannon has two lines, one of which is off-screen. At a merciful eighty minutes, whatever development his character had surely couldn’t have been the source of all the film’s problems. Someone get those deleted scenes online, ASAP.
Maybe worst of all, Jonah Hex commits the cardinal sin of this type of film: it’s dull. Painfully dull. It adds nothing to the Western or action genres. The action sequences pack no punch. A well-shot train hijacking is the best thing the film has going for it in terms of interesting set pieces, but it’s brief and quickly forgotten. And I mean c’mon: if the sight of Megan Fox in old-timey prostitute garb ain’t enough to get my blood pumping, you’ve fucked up. Big time.
And that’s a nice image to sum up the film, I think: Megan Fox in a corset. Ostensibly, this should be awesome. This should be the best thing in the world. But when it comes down to it, Hex, like Fox herself, is obnoxious, dull, and ultimately useless. Ok, maybe that’s a little hard on Megan. I actually don’t mind her that much (here, like in most films, she’s given so little to do that she’s almost a non-entity). But this movie sure sucks. I’ll be forever bummed by what it could have been.
Oh well. There’s always the eventual re-boot. [D-] 80min, 35mm
But most frustrating of all is a movie that should, by all means, be good, but ends up terrible. Such is the case of Jonah Hex, a god-awful abortion of a movie if ever there was one.
When Jonah Hex was first announced, it ended up on my list of Most Anticipated Films of the Year. A Southern Gothic/Horror-Western hybrid about an obscure DC Comics character with supernatural powers kicking ass all over the post-Civil War South? Written and directed by the crazy fucks behind the Crank movies? Starring Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Michaels Shannon & Fassbender, Will Arnett, and with a little guaranteed Megan Fox eye candy thrown in for good measure? With music from Mastodon? I was immediately on board. Seriously, how could this not rule?
Good Lord. Let me count the ways.
Neveldine & Taylor were smart to split. One of the best decisions they’ve probably ever made. I’d love to get my hands on their original script for the film (I remember reading a zombie army was involved - nice) to see what could have been. The film as it exists borrows liberally from several genre traditions. Actions and westerns, and to a much lesser extent, horror films, are referenced in style and more. Unfortunately, Jonah Hex appears to borrow exclusively from the shitty ones. The movie’s such a colossal clusterfuck that any interesting ideas (but believe me, there are few) are quickly pushed aside as we jump from one stupid scene to another.
This is the anti-A-Team, which I actually enjoyed quite a bit. Big dumb fun needs to actually be fun or it’s just, you know, big and dumb. Every cast member is wasted here. Brolin, hard as he tries, can’t carry a film this broken by himself. Malkovich is clearly phoning it in, his Southern accent fading in and out. Fassbender, one of the most interesting actors breaking out right now, had he been given more to work with may have conjured a villain of near-Joker badassery. He’s capable of it. However, the part is so threadbare that we’re left with a stupid Irish caricature who poses no real threat (brief digression: on the topic of ethnic characters, I take issue with the following: one, do we really need the ex-slave character saying “Jonah, you was never for secession or slavery. Why you keep fightin’ for the Confederacy?” or whatever. This information adds nothing to the character, except maybe we’re supposed to think he’s a good guy because he was against slavery? Maybe? Horseshit. And two, any goodwill you’re trying to get by giving Hex a Native American wife [who does nothing but looks pretty and gets murdered] is pretty much negated when the only other Indians you show are performing spooky ceremonies and smoking a peace pipe. I’m by no means a strictly PC kinda critic, but yikes, guys.) Will Arnett is laughably miscast. And perhaps worst of all, despite prominent billing and character name, for Christsakes, Michael Shannon has two lines, one of which is off-screen. At a merciful eighty minutes, whatever development his character had surely couldn’t have been the source of all the film’s problems. Someone get those deleted scenes online, ASAP.
Maybe worst of all, Jonah Hex commits the cardinal sin of this type of film: it’s dull. Painfully dull. It adds nothing to the Western or action genres. The action sequences pack no punch. A well-shot train hijacking is the best thing the film has going for it in terms of interesting set pieces, but it’s brief and quickly forgotten. And I mean c’mon: if the sight of Megan Fox in old-timey prostitute garb ain’t enough to get my blood pumping, you’ve fucked up. Big time.
And that’s a nice image to sum up the film, I think: Megan Fox in a corset. Ostensibly, this should be awesome. This should be the best thing in the world. But when it comes down to it, Hex, like Fox herself, is obnoxious, dull, and ultimately useless. Ok, maybe that’s a little hard on Megan. I actually don’t mind her that much (here, like in most films, she’s given so little to do that she’s almost a non-entity). But this movie sure sucks. I’ll be forever bummed by what it could have been.
Oh well. There’s always the eventual re-boot. [D-] 80min, 35mm
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Mystery Train (Jim Jarmusch, 1989)
Jim Jarmusch's movies are just so goddamn funny.
Mystery Train, his love letter to Memphis, is a blast and a half, utilizing his trademark dryer-than-dry humor and just a little bit of the absurd. Telling three or four seemingly unrelated stories that all intersect at a late-night hotel just outside of town, Jarmusch throws some fish out of water (in the form of two rock and roll-obsessed Japanese tourists, an Italian woman, and, uh, Joe Strummer) in one of America's most musically rich cities.
The results are enjoyable, if a little uneven. Starting strong with the teenage tourists, the film finds a great comedic rhythm early on. Unfortunately, by the time the three stories collide, some of the momentum is lost. Admittedly, Strummer wasn't much of an actor, and even the great Steve Buscemi can't do much to salvage their part, by far the blandest of the three.
But this doesn't keep Mystery Train from being a film worth seeking out. The 35mm print that screened at Wexner was in great shape, and I can only imagine Criterion's brand new Blu-Ray presentation of the film is top-notch. An entertaining flick full of humor and great music from one of America's true independents. [B] 113min, 35mm
Mystery Train, his love letter to Memphis, is a blast and a half, utilizing his trademark dryer-than-dry humor and just a little bit of the absurd. Telling three or four seemingly unrelated stories that all intersect at a late-night hotel just outside of town, Jarmusch throws some fish out of water (in the form of two rock and roll-obsessed Japanese tourists, an Italian woman, and, uh, Joe Strummer) in one of America's most musically rich cities.
The results are enjoyable, if a little uneven. Starting strong with the teenage tourists, the film finds a great comedic rhythm early on. Unfortunately, by the time the three stories collide, some of the momentum is lost. Admittedly, Strummer wasn't much of an actor, and even the great Steve Buscemi can't do much to salvage their part, by far the blandest of the three.
But this doesn't keep Mystery Train from being a film worth seeking out. The 35mm print that screened at Wexner was in great shape, and I can only imagine Criterion's brand new Blu-Ray presentation of the film is top-notch. An entertaining flick full of humor and great music from one of America's true independents. [B] 113min, 35mm
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Bluebeard (Catherine Breillat, 2009)
Of all the directors pushing the buttons of film-goers around the world, Catherine Breillat might be my favorite. Granted, I've only seen three of her films, but my respect for her was so firmly solidified after watching the first, 2001's remarkable Fat Girl, that even if 2007's The Last Mistress had been a disappointment, she'd still rank highly in my book.
Luckily it wasn't, and neither is her latest film, Bluebeard. Simultaneously recounting the fairytale of Bluebeard, the titular ogre who marries beautiful young women and kills them soon thereafter, as well as showing us two young sisters (the younger, more precocious of the two named Catherine – go figure) in the 1950’s who scare each other with the story in their attic. Clocking in at under an hour and a half, the film may seem slight to some viewers, but Breillat's packed it with enough of her trademark interesting ideas as to give her audience plenty to chew on.
The whole thing is vintage Breillat: long, quiet takes; minimal music; sudden and disturbing violence. Impressive performances are coaxed from the young actresses portraying dual sets of sisters. The relationships between the girls is a big part of the film; no surprise from the woman responsible for one of the most honest looks at adolescences and sisterhood, Fat Girl. Further questions of gender and class are raised, but never obviously.
The fairytale is pure horrorshow stuff. The scene where the ogre’s young bride disobeys him and opens the door to the room filled with his former wives' bodies hanging from the rafters, dripping pools of Argento blood below them is silently terrifying. Of course we know what's behind the door, just as our heroine does, but isn't that the fun of revisiting a favorite story? Breillat’s command over the macabre and the perverse, as well as her appreciation for the original, makes me want her to remake Passolini's Salo. But since that will never happen, I’ll gladly settle for more films like Bluebeard. [A-] 80min, video
Luckily it wasn't, and neither is her latest film, Bluebeard. Simultaneously recounting the fairytale of Bluebeard, the titular ogre who marries beautiful young women and kills them soon thereafter, as well as showing us two young sisters (the younger, more precocious of the two named Catherine – go figure) in the 1950’s who scare each other with the story in their attic. Clocking in at under an hour and a half, the film may seem slight to some viewers, but Breillat's packed it with enough of her trademark interesting ideas as to give her audience plenty to chew on.
The whole thing is vintage Breillat: long, quiet takes; minimal music; sudden and disturbing violence. Impressive performances are coaxed from the young actresses portraying dual sets of sisters. The relationships between the girls is a big part of the film; no surprise from the woman responsible for one of the most honest looks at adolescences and sisterhood, Fat Girl. Further questions of gender and class are raised, but never obviously.
The fairytale is pure horrorshow stuff. The scene where the ogre’s young bride disobeys him and opens the door to the room filled with his former wives' bodies hanging from the rafters, dripping pools of Argento blood below them is silently terrifying. Of course we know what's behind the door, just as our heroine does, but isn't that the fun of revisiting a favorite story? Breillat’s command over the macabre and the perverse, as well as her appreciation for the original, makes me want her to remake Passolini's Salo. But since that will never happen, I’ll gladly settle for more films like Bluebeard. [A-] 80min, video
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Sanshiro Sugata (Akira Kurosawa, 1943)
Well, everybody has to start somewhere. Kurosawa’s first film plays like a dry run for his later historical fair, just, you know, not nearly as good. While not completely devoid of competence (it’s clear that Kurosawa was a master of the moving image very early on), the story of a young man learning judo and then fighting a bunch of people just isn’t very interesting. The fight scenes are pretty absurd, and the performances stock – there ain’t much worth liking here. However, it’s a mostly inoffensive affair, and I’m more than willing to forgive its rather dry eighty minute run knowing what Kurosawa would do very soon after making it. [C-] 80min, 35mm
Stray Dog (Akira Kurosawa, 1949)
While I’m far from an expert, a little research as well as my own feelings on the film have led me to believe that Stray Dog is Minor Kurosawa. Regular stars Toshiro Mifune and Takashi Shimura play a couple of cops in post-war Tokyo during one hot summer. When rookie Mifune’s gun is stolen, he’ll do anything to get it back. So begins a drawn-out police procedural with the standard twists and turns. The flick is unfortunately bogged down by its running time (early on, an extended silent sequence of Mifune infiltrating the underworld was all kinds of excessive), and frankly, a pretty silly plot. However, Kurosawa’s eye for location and the way he evoked a summer heat wave (I’m sweating just thinking about it), as well as a great performance from Shimura elevate the film. That said, High and Low is way better. [B-] 122min, 35mm
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